Rebirth

It is said that one must die before they die again and again in order to truly live… to truly evolve, grow and learn within this life. To die before you die is to be brought back to your purity… brought closer to your essence, free from the false layers of personhood. 

Recently, it was brought to my attention, that I haven't shared much about myself personally. Most of my posts have been offerings to the community or merely aesthetically pleasing tidbits shared on social media. Lately, deeper sharing hasn't felt accessible to me, partly because I've been navigating through this dying before you die initiation, as well as the nagging insecurity of whether anyone would even care to read it.

However, as I navigate through this death portal—though I wouldn't yet call it a complete rebirth, more akin to traversing the birth canal—I find solace in writing. If my story or personal revelations manage to pique even a bit of curiosity in someone, then I believe it's worth sharing. At the very least, perhaps it will entertain.

I first encountered the notion of "dying before you die" a few years ago, though its significance didn't truly resonate until I faced my first direct encounter with it. It seems understanding often only arrives precisely when it's needed most.

I’ve died many deaths these last couple years and am no longer the same person I was. SO much has changed, and the lens of my perception now looks out on a completely different landscape.  I no longer see the world as I once did, it’s as if I was looking through a pinhole and now I see a panoramic view. I know there are still blinders, programs and patterns that I hold where my awareness has yet to be illuminated, but I no longer fear their discovery or the changes that take place once they are brought to light. Dying before you die will do that… it brings you to your knees, humbles you to your core, and if able to surrender, will allow you to release fears you didn’t even know existed. This surrender fosters a freedom beyond what the mind can comprehend. 

The rebirth can feel even more challenging than the death as you contract and expand through the birth canal towards your new existence. Trying to hold onto to what was, even though you’re already past the point of no return, can make for an increased level of suffering. Just. let. Go. Everyone advises you… But how?? 

Surrendering through the pain of contraction can be the most challenging of all in a world that’s been built around avoiding it. All we’ve been taught is pain is bad, fix it at all costs, move away from it and whatever you do, do not go into it! But what I've found, through trying to master the art of clinging on, is that the pain is actually the productive part of any contraction, and trying to avoid it only perpetuates the exact thing you’re trying to avoid.  In birth, it’s the contraction that actually does the work of opening the cervix so new life can be born. It’s not in between contractions that the progress is made, but within the pain. When you can surrender to it (and trust me surrender is possible even if you want to punch someone in the face for suggesting such a ridiculous idea), it becomes even more expansive on the other end. And my oh my is that opening and expansion so very worth sitting with, and surrendering to, the pain. With each reprieve more light is let in and a higher perspective gained. So I’m learning to trust the contraction… trust the pain for it’s there I know the new iteration of me will be reborn back into increased purity and Love. 

This process has humbled me to my core and by no means do I pretend to know anything… funny thing is the more you expand, the more you realize you don’t know anything at all and there is great peace in that. Simply letting go and letting God take the wheel because at this point it’s the most effortless thing to do.

I’m finding great beauty in the death as well as the rebirth… what is life for but to become more aware of what you are not so that you can return to all that you truly are. A beautiful divine being, in a body, having an experience of separation. 

This blog is an open journal to myself and I hope your curiosity finds it helpful. 

Many blessings