Trust Fall
The pain that comes with facing some of our deepest wounds can be unbearable. It can feel as if it would simply be better to physically die. I know how morbid this sounds, but it’s the truth. I know why people choose to take their lives versus doing the deep work to heal the sufferings they carry inside them… at times it feels like the easier option (please don’t take this as me being suicidal… I’m not. I’m speaking the truth and that may trigger some). But it will only bring momentary relief and perpetuate the pain that’s carried within our essence. Most of us have forgotten our innate vertical connection to Source. We forgot that we have access to this innate wholeness right here and now, in every moment. We are raised in a society of instant satisfaction and external gratification, learning from a young age to outsource our wholeness instead of internally resource the pure light that we each carry within us. So it’s no wonder we drink, eat, collect, and place our happiness within others… We truly have no idea how addicted we are to the outside world.
Sure it can be easier to take the pill, drink the drink, chase others for your happiness… After all, it is easier to stay in bed than get up and truly live your life awake. It’s hard to face these unconscious addictions that rule our perceptions and choices and rob us from our peace and wellbeing. But we can all agree that how we’ve been doing it for thousands of years is simply perpetuating the suffering that we keep trying to run away from. So how do we truly find the peace that we all say we want, but continue to turn a blind eye to? We can say we want something all day long, but when push comes to shove are we really choosing to do the work to create it?
I can say from my own personal experience that over and again I’ve chosen to distract, blame, hide, confide in or shame others in those deepest darkest moments to simply gain some relief, instead of taking responsibility for my own patterns that perpetuate my suffering. I didn’t do this consciously… it’s an unconscious pattern to find some instant relief and what I thought was protecting myself. When in reality I was afraid to face my darkness because in that moment of pain, I felt I would never be able to make it out.
It takes commitment, persistence, perseverance and a whole lot of trust in Grace that we’ll make it out the other side. It’s not easy, but each time we sit in the discomfort of facing our darkest parts and bring them into consciousness, the more we can trust that there is so much more than the pain and suffering. We begin to trust that we WILL come out the otherside. And not only will we come out the other side, but we’ll have more certainty in our innate power, purity and connection.
I understand how challenging it is to fully surrender to Grace. I’ve often wanted to (and do) cling to the edge of the cliff of suffering a moment longer because the full trust fall seems too scary. Yet, I’m finding moments of this free fall to be absolutely liberating, revealing glimpses of its potency. I haven’t fully cut the cord yet, but I’m aware of it and willing to cut it all the way—to fully fall into Grace and let go because I deeply feel it’s the only way to true freedom.
How can we all trust fall into Grace a little more???
Until next time,
Kaila Leilani
