On Letting Go

On this wild and beautiful journey of healing, you’ll often hear over and again to simply "let go." Let go of what’s not serving you, what’s not aligned with your true self, of persona, and expectations. Just let go.

While I know this all to be true, I’ve also found it’s not as easy as these two simple words may suggest. In my experience, letting go is one of the most challenging spiritual practices you will be presented with. Letting go means coming face to face with your wounds, programming, trauma and circumstances that have built your false sense of security and attachment... These walls you so diligently built through your perception of safety at a time you felt your most vulnerable. 

Letting go means looking deeply at why you’re holding on to something that may no longer support your growth. And most of us simply don’t want to do that. If we gain the courage to face the things we need to let go of, we may become paralyzed by the change that would occur if we take action on releasing these things. 

Then a thought may occur: ‘What would the world look like without the walls I’ve built around myself?’ Once you see these walls, they can feel more like a prison than a safety blanket, leaving you no choice but to release them despite the consequences. This process is painful. It can feel like a part of you is dying because, in a sense, it is. The old "you" who needed these things for survival is dying, bringing with it the grief of releasing who you thought you were. Our bodies need to grieve; it’s how they cleanse themselves and let go. However, many of us fear truly feeling that grief and, in turn, perpetuate our pain. It’s akin to continuing to see if the fire is hot only to burn ourselves over and again. To truly let go, we must first feel what we’re holding onto.

From what I’ve discovered, the hardest part of letting go is acceptance. Accepting the truth of any circumstance or situation, even if your persona wishes for it to be different, is challenging. We are constantly bombarded by expectations from a young age: how to behave, what to do with our lives, what’s good, bad, right, and wrong. These expectations are imposed on us by society and those who raise us based on their own history and programming. It’s no surprise that we perpetuate this by placing expectations on everyone and everything around us, making it difficult to release them. We’ve built our realities and perceptions on these expectations. What would it look like not to have them? Can we challenge ourselves to fully accept things as they are? All we can do is try, because in accepting this truth, peace resides.

So why does everyone suggest letting go and exposing your pure heart to a world that seems intent on breaking you down? Maybe that is the beautiful design. I have found that in the breaking down, in your weakest, most vulnerable moment, when you have nothing left to offer but full surrender, expansion occurs. And that, I suppose, is true healing.

Annnnnnd just when you think you’ve made some progress, you'll be presented with another layer (a great cosmic joke)! But the more you choose to surrender, the easier the letting go becomes. There is no right way and it will always be messy. Sending each and every one of you so much love on your own personal journey of surrender and letting go. I know I sure have needed all the love and support I can get through my own messy journey. 

All my love,

Kaila Leilani